So my Evil Genius (henceforth referred to as E.G.) is not only evil and a genius but is a huge boob fanatic! Yeah, that's right, you heard me! I am not saying anything classy like "breasts", we're beyond that. Quite honestly you should be happy that I am using a classy word like "boobs" because I tossed around referring to them as fun-bags and knockers throughout the blog but thought maybe that was a bit too far! So from this point on get used to reading it because that's what I am using! Now when I say "huge boob fanatic", I do not mean that she specifies focusing her attention on D cups and larger but the fact that she wants to see EVERYONE'S boobs! ALL THE TIME! Thank goodness she has apparently stopped this habit at the babysitter's house and has patiently waited outside for someone to get dressed at the sitter's to avoid seeing her boobs. *Heavenly Father, I know that I err throughout the day and often commit sins that I intend on doing again and expect you to forgive me but thank you, truly, for performing this small miracle on E.G. while at someone else's home. Amen* I have tried to think back to determine a cause for this and have been unable to come to a definite conclusion. Genetics? Not likely since both of her genetic links would really prefer to not see them (well I clearly have to, but donor has no desire). Breast feeding? Not likely since I am certain that this would be an epidemic and I have seen very few, strike that, try again, NO other children in public quite like E.G. I also feel this would be a warning a lactation consultant may want to mention. The obsession started early and I suppose I should have addressed it then but I blamed her actions on her age and innocence. How was I to know that she was an E.G. at such a young age. I was young and naive and didn't know what to look for! There was no blog for me to reference regarding early signs of evil genius boob fiends! I should have started seeing signs when I would be carrying her and she would see my cleavage as a cup-holder. She would just take a sippy cup or bottle and shove it in my cleavage and then TA-DA two free hands to reach out and grab for other items. She would also just randomly reach into my shirt and hold on. Again, I should have seen this coming! Hindsight is always 20/20 I guess. She is now going up to other people in the family or visitors and saying "Hey, I see your boobs!" or "I just want to see your boobs!" She also recently had the following conversation with her grandmother:
Grandma: I think I am going to take a shower.
E.G.: I want to take a shower too!
Grandma: I don't know, if I let you take a shower with me will you stare at my boobs the whole time?!
E.G.: YES! But you can look at MINE! It's OK! We're friends!
Note- If you're child says this to you at the age of 2 1/2 you want to remember this! In 14 years if E.G. is going to prom with "a friend" You can bet that I will be saying "No!" or at least chaperoning!
So anyway, now, nearly 3 years later I am trying to get dressed and dry off after the shower like a person who lives with a voyeur....OH WAIT, I AM! This is unknown territory for me, because if you know me, or heaven forbid, I have your cell number (no matter how convincing I may seem, NEVER, under ANY circumstance give me your cell phone number, I could write an entirely different blog about my text stalking), you have probably seen my boobs or at least received a picture text of them. So I guess upon reflection it IS, in fact, my fault that she is a boob fiend! But now I am left with the challenge of having E.G. limit her boob talk to home and being satisfied by ogling them through shirts. The take-home lesson from this blog: Give boobs another name that other people can't figure out! That way when your E.G. is requesting to see someone's "car keys" you have no need to be embarrassed and they can deal with the confused look on your E.G.'s face when they show him or her their actual car keys. Downside: 1) Awkward moments if someone needs help finding their keys 2) Extra explanation needed before starting driver's ed.
Good luck! You're going to need it! Just be the breast parent you can be!
*Sorry! I couldn't help myself!*
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